Monday, March 18, 2013

The Ghost of Big Girl Past

I’m certainly no stranger to digging out my “fat pants” on Monday mornings but after this last weekend’s debauchery, even those were tight today. It happens sometimes, the ghost of the big girl that I used to be will visit and take control of my indulgences once more and I’m completely powerless against her. I had a feeling this social call was going to be pretty bad on the way home from work Friday night when she had me go through the Taco Bell drive thru and purchase a Cool Ranch Dorito taco supreme. She only ordered one because she wanted to eat it in the drive thru of another fast food restaurant (Sonic) while she waited for her Spicy Popcorn chicken, sweet potato tots and Pineapple shake. Incidentally they fucked her on the tots, got fries instead, that’s what gluttons deserve, shitty service.
When I awoke Saturday, she was gone again, my hands were back on the wheel steering me towards a productive healthy day.  I took Heidi to the groomers, then to the park since it was such a lovely day. We took a brisk 4 mile walk around before stopping to enjoy the scenery. This shot stuck with me, I think mostly because I feel like that sun trapped in the grip of the giant tree. Trying/wanting to shine but letting something far more insignificant stifle my efforts.
 And it went like that right up until my dog and I were on the way home from the park that evening when Fatty returned and pulled into the Wendy’s drive thru. I had already eaten dinner but she of course was famished. So much so that she ordered two cheesy cheddar burgers and a large fry. OH and since Starbucks was right next door, she decided to roll on over and snag a Mocha Frappuccino to swash down her bounty. On this night she hung out until the kitchen trash was full of wrappers from various snacks I had purchased during my morning grocery run. They weren’t unhealthy unless you eat too many and that’s what she did.
Yesterday I was certain my fat banshee had finally returned to the Hell I assume she comes from as once again, I had full control…all day…until about an hour before “The Walking Dead” came onw when she decided that only a platter of Chinese food delivered to her door and eaten in pajamas would be fitting for such a television occasion. At the time, I was glad she made the call because it was another BORING ass episode and Sesame chicken did make it a tad more interesting. 
She’s still not completely gone today. I felt her floating over my shoulder during our catered lunch, she wanted the mashed potatoes and basmati rice but I was able to reign her in and get tiny scoops just so she would be appeased. Tonight I’m going back to the gym and eating stir fry vegetables. Hopefully tomorrow my other pair of fat pants will be a bit looser and the big girl will stay in Fat Hell  for several consecutive weekends. She has to, I don’t have any bigger pants.


  1. "Incidentally they fucked her on the tots" I believe it was the actor Joe Peshi in one of the Lethal Weapon movies who famously said

    "They'll fuck in the drive through".

    Truer words were never spoken.

  2. Hahaha...hell yeah Barnes. They will everytime! Oh the Pesci...I miss seein' him in stuff. Wonder how come he's not acting anymore?