A Jew, A Gentile and Alice in Chains

So he'd been asking me for months to take him to a REAL concert. He'd been to John Mayer with his parents but said it was totally lame. It's crazy to me that "Grunge/Metal" music from the early ninties is like classic rock now but whatever, he's into it. So when "jAlice In Chains" tickets came up for sale before Christmas and it was an all ages show at an awesome venue, I figured it would be a perfect introduction. I never got to see them back in the day when Layne Staley was still alive but had read the reviews on the new guy and that it sounded pretty authentic. The best part was that my boss, his dad, bought the tickets for us. We also decided to continue our burger odyssey at Canyons Burger Co.





Damn good burger! I had the Campfire with jalapeno bacon, chipotle mayo and jalapenos. They also give you the option of going half regular and half sweet potato with your fries which were delicious!

We decided on the way what we would say when people ask if I'm his mom, it always happens. People hear us talking, calling each other "dude" and "man" and can't help but inquire as to the nature of our relationship. He hates it when I just agree and say I'm his mom and one time at Six Flags a couple of years ago, I said that we were friends and it totally creeped our inquisitor out. We decided I'd be his Godmother since he said his actual one kinda sucks. Turns out it was a good thing that we worked it out, since he was like one of 4 kids in the whole place and we got asked about 5 times.

We chilled in the balcony just so that we could sit down until the opening act started and I was gagged at the amount of people my age and older who were still trying to rock low slung leather pants and shit. Give it up!! You look ridiculous. This one group of late thirty-somethings asked us if me and my son would like to move to their seats since they were going to be up and down getting beer all show and we'd have to keep letting them out. I told'em "Nah, I'm taking him down to the floor to watch the show (general admission) so he can get the full experience."

The dude looked at me like I told him that we were going to do shots of Jack and pick up some hookers. "Well....he'll get it down there." His raised eyebrow really irritated me so I backed that up with "Well I told him, only pussies sit in the balcony."

Just before they came out...



We were all crammed in on the floor and had forced our way almost to the front before the show started. "Man it stinks down here" he declared. "Smells like butt cheese and feet." He was right but I explained that it was all apart of it. You had to commune with the people if you really wanted to SEE the show.

Now back in the day, my day that is, I would've never taken a 13 yr. old into the pit at an Alice in Chains show but after surveying the crowd that was down there (many of them 40+) I deemed it to be safe. Moshing was doubtful. Fighting on the other hand was always a possibility. But he's gonna be 14 like next month and he's never even been in a fight, or really even seen one coming from such priviledge as he does. I'd been in several by his age...I didn't think it would hurt him to see a little rabble scrabble.

He was totally diggin' it.



And so it was that we were just getting into the show, when all of a sudden, some 20 year old thought he was going to start moshing with some tough lookin' 50 year old biker dudes and it turned ugly. One of the older dudes punched the kid right in the face and with all the agility of a Ninja, I had Alex 10 feet away. He was like "Whoa. That was intense".

Mike Inez layin' it down...



Things chilled out again during "No Excuses" but when they started singing "Them Bones" shit went crazy again and the dumb ass drunk kid started his crap again. This time a giant grim reaper looking mother fucker walked over and just straight up started choking his ass. In a flash, I had Alex on the other side of me pushing him as far away as I could. A small riot broke out but was quickly subdued and the show continued unfettered. The very obviously gay guy beside of us told me with extreme lispiness "You are so good about getting him out of the way as soon as any drama jumps off, but don't worry, I'm standing between you and these assholes from here on out."

And he did and I thought it was totally cool. It was wild to truly realize how fucking stupid some people get at these shows. It's the first time I'd been sober at a concert since I was 16 and saw Aerosmith/Skid Row so I usually never noticed. However, Once again, calm was restored but now Alex's eyes were spinning. I could tell He was thinking that this was going to be a helluva story to bust out to his fellow eighth graders on Monday morning and it tickled me to no end that he'd get to tell it.

The new guy William Duvall...



Cantrell shreddin' it...



And then they sang one of their new songs "Check My Brain" and some kid behind us decided he wanted to crowd surf. My reflexes were still pretty good and I caught him as he went over top of us and pushed him on. Alex just marveled at me like I was the coolest person on the planet and we both laughed our asses off when the kid got passed to a pocket of 50 yr. olds who never did that shit back in the ninties and let him drop to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

We both got pretty thirsty and eventually left the main floor which I think was enough for his liking. He got a small taste, a peek at how things would be for him I think in a couple of years when he was going to stuff like that sans parents and he seemed to really enjoy every second of it. It was as though I took him to Jurassic Park, let him see the beasts but never let him actually get eaten by the T-Rex.

When I dropped him off that night he said "Wow, that was amazing. I had a total blast!" I explained to him that I knew it wouldn't be much longer before it was a wrap for me and for him not to feel bad about it. He would really start to get interested in girls and become more mature and sadly, this is mature as I'm gonna get. He laughed and said.."Oh,well, we'll always have texting."

Coolest- kid - ever.