Tuesday, September 22, 2009
So I keep putting off finishing my story,old demons...they'll never die apparently. And now I've been asked to write the Dr.'s bio's for our new website at work so I'll use that to neglect my own pursuits. Easier. Loser. Always.
I stayed home today to nurse my hubby Nick who has been suffering from a super shitty virus. He coughed so much last night that I was tempted to suffocate him with a pillow. Instead, I took him to an Urgent Care facility this morning because he said he couldn't wait to see his regular Doc late this afternoon. Impatient patient.
He swooned and swirled throughout what should've been a 5 minute drive that turned into a 45 minute drive because of flood traffic. When we got inside, the air just felt thick with germs. He was given a mask at check in because they weren't sure if he had the flu, he refused so I decided to wear it. I must've went through an entire bottle of Purell in the "Golden Girls" decorated waiting room until finally, he got called back.
The nurse entering his demographics in the room was snotting all over the place her damn self and I was surprised that her fingers didn't slide off the keyboard from all the mucus from her many tissues.
When the Physicians Assistant came in, I thought it was a homeless person who'd wandered in from the street. She looked like a 50 something year old hippie with long, unbrushed hair wearing a pink Unicorn sweatshirt and purple sweat pants. I promise.
"So you're Mom I take it?" she asked as she extended her hand to me.
I thought that surely this bitch must be joking as my husband and I are the same fucking age but to my dismay when I said "excuse me?" she confirmed that she was insane.
"You're his mother right?"
O.k., yes Nick has a baby face but he's got a full goatee and gray hair for fuck's sake.
She began her examination and it was like she was trying out for the "speed medicine" olympics. She asked a barrage of questions that she didn't even allow Nick to answer, instead answered them herself. And then she was gone.
I asked Nick if he wanted to go ahead and see a real Doctor and get the hell out of there but he was so weak that he said he didn't care. "Fuck it" he moaned. "Surely they'll do something".
She returned with a script for cough syrup, a two day work excuse and orders for blood work. And just like that, slap chop, they shimmyed him down the chute, collected his copay and showed him the door. I thought it was bullshit.
I thought it was bullshit till I saw how much better he felt tonight and until he told me "thank you" over and over for taking him to that mung pit for treatment.
The power of codeine. It works no matter where it comes from is the lesson here I guess. Oh and if you're looking to have your ego boosted, nothing works like being accused of being your spouse's parent.