I knew my days were numbered as soon as the 4 word text came across the screen of my new phone. "I have a girlfriend."




NO!!! We were supposed to still have his senior year. I knew he was going away to college next year, I've been preparing for that but then he goes out and gets a goddamn girlfriend. I didn't think this was something I'd have to worry about because I thought his parents explicitly forbade all of their children from this rite of passage until they were out of high school. At least they did with his older sister and brother. I guess it's true, by the time you get the last one, you just don't give as much of a shit anymore.




We'd had a blast like we always do at the Big Boi/ Killer Mike concert back in September but I could feel there was something different. The impish, white haired 9 year old boy I had met outside of his karate studio so many years ago had been replaced by this 17 year old dude, solidly looking down at me for the first time since we'd know each other. He'd been undersized for so long, it was easy to forget that he was nearing adulthood. I'd just turned 40 myself and to say it was something I've struggled with is putting it nicely. I threatened to slice the tires of any bitch in my office who dared put those fucking black streamers or cliche' "over the hill" bullshit posters anywhere near my cubicle. In fact, to be sure that I wouldn't kill someone, I actually spent my birthday on the beach 250 miles away. Fuck you guys. My youth has been my identity for so long and I don't want anything to do with this getting old shit.




Case in point- I realized at the concert that if Max and I were to continue our unconventional relationship, it would have to evolve into some type of a polite adult friendship. He didn't need me to drive him around anymore and unlike last year. right after he'd gotten his license, he didn't need me to stay with him when his parents went out of town. I'm not a r and took great delight in seeing my influence all over the things he loved or hated. lace, like maybe we could try this "friends" thing or maybe he'd become an A&R guy as we'd discussed, he'd inherit me from his father like a slave someday. Then I could be his secretary since I'm still sure, even at 60 that I'll know more about rap music than any other white woman alive.




That night as we waited by the stage for the show to start, which btw, this was a rap concert so that was a long fucking time, I got him to open up. Turns out he'd been drunk several times-smoked weed-I didn't act shocked. Instead I was the epitome of eazy-breezy, giving off the "I'm not your parent" vibe...I'm cool...I'm not 40..we can still hang out since I hate most people except for you and few others. I could tell that night when I dropped him off however that maybe that wasn't a good idea. It's not like I'm going to be getting drunk or high with him because even if he was 30, that would probably be fucking weird. But now here we were, he'd told me a bunch of teenage secrets and I was still old and not his real parent. Fuck.




Then- a week later-after I'd helped smooth out another one his college admissions essays-he sends the text. "Oh, I have a girlfriend now...haha.." I knew immediately this was truly the last straw. As a former teenage bitch myself, I was certain she would think her boyfriend hanging out with some middleaged woman was fucking weird and it would have to stop. When I didn't get another text from him over the next week, I was positive my scenario was right on point.




Then his dad texts me one night last week. "Hey, what is up? Max says he's texted you and you haven't responded. Is there an issue?"




OMG- I was so excited. He had been trying to contact me. I was totally wrong. Maybe we could evolve and Max might still find a place in his life for me. I texted him a couple of times with no response then later that day, I got an email from him saying he didn't understand why his messages weren't coming through but he had a couple more essays for me to look at and zazz if possible. Of course I JUMPED at the chance, plus I love that shit anyways. Admittedly, I found his story a bit suspect since I've been getting other folk's texts just fine, but denial is a helluva drug. He even said he was going to take his phone to the Verizon store to see if they could figure it out.

So I zazzed both essays, one of which was a total pile of garbage that I think he may have spent 5 minutes on and by the time I'd finished, they fucking ruled. I sent them Thursday. It's been 3 days and I haven't even received a thank you from Max. I'm pretty sure since his father is so worried about him getting into Georgetown or Penn that he was riding his ass about getting me to help him and in the heat of the moment he lied and said that he'd tried to text me and I hadn't responded. I doubt he counted  on the fact his dad would contact me immediately because he thought I was being an asshole to his kid. Then I suppose he had to keep the lie up and drag it out-all because, I guess he doesn't really want to talk to me anymore or at least for now anyways. I expect he's getting laid on the reg and the last thing he wants is some old lady texting him about Always Sunny in Philadelphia or Big Krit and fucking that up for him.

To any of you who have read my blog over the years, you know how crazy I am about that kid. This hurts pretty bad.