Oh man, it's my last day of vacation on St. George Island in Florida and I guess I'm ready to face stupid reality again. This has been one of the most relaxing weeks of my life which is kinda crazy since I turned 40 this week. Fucking 40 man. I've been dreading it for two years. Not exactly sure what I thought was going to happen except that it was going to suck ass. Like half the bitches in my office turned 40 last year and every time they would come into their desk being decorated with stupid black streamers and all of that cliche' over the hill crap. It kills me how everyone is all like "awww..40's not old..hey..it's better than the alternative right? Am I right?" Shut up. If it's not old then why do people feel compelled to layer your desk in tombstones when it's your turn at bat?

My aversion to this birthday was great that 6 months ago my husband said "Hey, screw those retards at your job. How bout you book us a house on an island and turn 40 on the beach?"

Done.


But still, even though we were having an amazing time this week, I woke up crying on my birthday. I'm not sure why, maybe it was a farewell to something. My youth has been my identity for so long, it's sad to see it go I guess. Neil let me wallow for awhile then we got some liquor and laughed in the pool the rest of the day.

I don't know what I could've made of myself by now if I'd really applied hard work to my interests but I'm not going to let it dictate who I can be in the years that lie ahead. Something about watching the sunset on the ocean every night, while the waves playfully attack your feet and taunt your dogs just makes all the small stuff, the insecurities, the worries, seem so ...small. Fuck'em.

I planned on working on my screenplay this week but I haven't and I'm not going to get all down on myself about it like usual. There's plenty of time when I get home. I've eaten too much this week. I've barely worn make up. I haven't cared what I looked like at all. If this is how I'll be in my forties, it feels pretty good. Please enjoy some pics of paradise.