Monday, February 15, 2010
While I have written quite a bit more since I stopped posting my story, I haven't done diddly squat in the last week or more. I don't know, it's like the first couple of days after I took it down, I just exploded creatively. I wrote nonstop in a frenzy for 3 days in a row and now it seems that I've blown my load and I need some mental Viagra to spark it up again.
I just keep thinking "What do I want from this?" I mean it's not like I ever want mom or dad to read it. Very doubtful I'd like my employers or co-workers to know many of these things about me. So why? The only reason I can think of is that when I remember how everything went down, I always see it on the big screen.Probably mainly due to my "Cable Guy" childhood, being absorbed in movies and television at such an early age, it's how I relate to most of life's daily occurences. Rest assured that I'm aware of how disconnected and unhealthy that is, but so be it.
Ultimately, I have the feeling and as contrite as this may sound, that it's my destiny. I have to finish it, it will be something and I will receive praise. For what I'm not sure because the writing isn't praise-worthy yet. I return to the beginning and see the progression and yeah it's nice and all but what I want to see is a black comedy. Something like "Welcome to the Dollhouse" or "The Footfist Way". Pahhh....I can't write like that!! It's so fucking frustrating!!!
The last few days I open my Word Program, think bout starting to re-write from the beginning then arguing with myself that I should finish the piece of shit first which leads to reading about Kevin Smith being too fat to fly. Bah.