Monday, February 15, 2010


While I have written quite a bit more since I stopped posting my story, I haven't done diddly squat in the last week or more. I don't know, it's like the first couple of days after I took it down, I just exploded creatively. I wrote nonstop in a frenzy for 3 days in a row and now it seems that I've blown my load and I need some mental Viagra to spark it up again.

I just keep thinking "What do I want from this?" I mean it's not like I ever want mom or dad to read it. Very doubtful I'd like my employers or co-workers to know many of these things about me. So why? The only reason I can think of is that when I remember how everything went down, I always see it on the big screen.Probably mainly due to my "Cable Guy" childhood, being absorbed in movies and television at such an early age, it's how I relate to most of life's daily occurences. Rest assured that I'm aware of how disconnected and unhealthy that is, but so be it.

Ultimately, I have the feeling and as contrite as this may sound, that it's my destiny. I have to finish it, it will be something and I will receive praise. For what I'm not sure because the writing isn't praise-worthy yet. I return to the beginning and see the progression and yeah it's nice and all but what I want to see is a black comedy. Something like "Welcome to the Dollhouse" or "The Footfist Way". Pahhh....I can't write like that!! It's so fucking frustrating!!!

The last few days I open my Word Program, think bout starting to re-write from the beginning then arguing with myself that I should finish the piece of shit first which leads to reading about Kevin Smith being too fat to fly. Bah.


  1. Heidi do NOT go back to the beginning until you have come to the end. You have polished your skills and by the time you get to the end you will have sharpened them even more. Then you can go back for the first edit but not before.

    The reason I suggest this is you have flow going and rehashing right now will disrupt that "zone."

    NO WORK of writing is completed on the first pass. Hell F. Scott Fitzgerald was editing and rewriting The Great Gatsby until the very day it went to press, Walt Whitman edited his masterpiece Leaves of Grass 16 different times, issuing a new edition each time.

    Just press forward until it is done, then set it aside for a bit as it ages on the pages. then return to it.

    Though I have had those bursts like you describe and enjoyed the shit out of them, it does make one tired. You have direction now and taking a few days away will not dampen your desire.

    As to why you are doing this story...well I think you are purging demons of memory as all writers do. What will come of it...only the future knows for sure and there is no need to concern yourself with the future until it becomes the present eh?

    Be Well


  2. Its good to hear how you are going,I wish I could offer some insight or support to help but never having felt the pains of wanting to write I don't know what would help.

    Just hope that it comes and you keep us up to date with how things are progressing.

    Perhaps just imagine Darth Vader looming over you going "Heidi, you will write this it is you (*rasp) your destiny."

    Good luck

  3. You're writing quite well, Heidi. And that's all you're going to get from me, because the things that make it good come from you, and nothing I can say will alter it for the better. Finish it.

    What the hell is "The FootFist Way?" No... strike that. I'm going to Google now.

  4. Mark, I know you're right. Going back to the beginning is a terrible idea. I'm not going to do it. It's just the defeatist in me attempting to sabotage. Thank you for the great advice as always.

    Barnesm, maybe if I had the threat of Lord Vader mentally choking me it would give me a sense of urgency to finish! Hehehe

    Flinthart, thanks man and you will love "FootFist". Twisted!

    I feel very lucky to have you all to consult through this difficult process. It's a bitch.